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Am I Psycho? Dec 9, 2020

Am I Psycho?

What are Psychos?
The word psycho is more of a slang describing people who function very well in polite society, mostly intelligent, but with a concealed twisted sense of reality. We're not talking schizos or psychotics here. We're not talking mental asylum material either. These psychos live amongst us. We don't even realize they are, until they start firing-off red flags. Interestingly, they are completely oblivious to the fact they are psychos. In the advent of incongruence, they just perceive the world as distorted - not them. And because they are smart, they find clever ways to twist logic around to fit their skewed paradigm, thereafter, finding solace and well-being in their made-up sense of reality.

Psychos around Me
I met a few psychos in my life, but 2020 has seen a greater share of it. Categorically, I will say that all the ones I've met are intelligent - one even chaired a committee on human rights at the United Nations in Geneva. In fact, they are too clever, they outsmart themselves and perpetuate their warped world-view of reality. But for the most part, they are plagued by trauma from the past, have on-going health issues and generally skeptic about life. When push comes to shove, their mental imbalance becomes apparent. A few examples:

  1. community - a friend who refused to undergo hydro-colonic treatment given an episode of extreme pain in her gut. Her reason was, she had a community who looked over her - someone who can give her astrological readings, someone who can give her herbal spa, someone who can administer alternative remedies, someone she can meditate with, etc. In short, she wasn't after the cure. She was after the attention of everyone.
  2. abandonment - a girlfriend who broke off with me, messaged me a week later accusing me of abandoning her (coupled with expletives). Who really abandoned who?
  3. ego maniac - someone confides about failing health. I offered to fix it at no charge (she was special to me). She expressly gives me the go-ahead with the program, but doesn't show-up, citing she had to "do her nails", "clean the house", etc. Abruptly, she bolts out and accuses me of glorifying my ego.
  4. and your question is? - someone who follows me on Facebook stops me at an eating kiosk to ask me a 'quick question'. He rants about his life until I had to ask him, "What exactly is your question?". He apologizes and continues to rant about his frustrating career this time. I had to cut him short again and ask him, "What is your question?". He finishes without really asking me a question.
  5. too many to list all
Am I Psycho?

Am I Psycho?
The psychos I know of, can spot and identify a psycho a mile away, never realizing that they themselves are psychos. With that as a given, I had to ask myself, "How do I know then I'm not psycho?". I ponder on this because I seem to be attracting them. Are they attracted to me because they see me as a kindred spirit? For this, I had to default to the objective counsel of a friend whose grounding, intelligence and impartiality I can count on. Let's call him...Mr. Heartman. So, I asked him the question, "Am I psycho?".

The answer I got was simple - I have quirks or even eccentricities, but definitely not psycho. In fact, despite exploring esoteric realms from 50,000 feet above sea level, I'm firmly grounded and anchored. That more or less confirmed my self-image.

Mr. Heartman
In a surprising twist of fate, despite hiding it well, I realized that Mr. Heartman was himself a closet psycho. How? Since we got close, he has taken liberties to underscore my 'weaknesses'. I took it as a green light to let him know too, if I think he has blind spots - not to get even, but simply being a friend. When he broke up with his girlfriend, I told him perhaps it was better since he was emasculated in that relationship. He didn't say anything, but in a social gathering, he verbally attacked me in front of our common friends for something so trivial. It was so odd of him. That's when I realized days later it was his payback for the emasculated word. He was triggered by that. Not surprisingly, he has unresolved trauma dating back to his childhood days. Since he could not take a constructive criticism, then he should not have initiated it. I've never spoken to him since. In fairness, I have to give him credit for hiding his psycho part well.

My Speculation
So, what's attracting these psychos to me? I can only speculate that I have certain qualities that serve as magnet to them. What qualities? Like my understanding and pursuit of what lies beyond human perception, but firmly anchored to reality by logic, science, empirical data, and synthesized information. In short, I can understand their plight but remain grounded. They find that appealing. Thus, I make an ideal crutch.

Do the Work
Unfortunately, as much as I care about them (those I've become close to), I cannot simply serve as a static crutch. If they come to me, I do what I can and prescribe a no-nonsense regiment to 'fix' their issues. But they have to do the hard work to fix themselves. It's tough love and almost always, misunderstood. The relationship quickly unravels from hereon with me being labeled 'weak', needing 'professional help', an 'ego-maniac', and so on. Yes, the tables are suddenly reversed. This has even become predictable. Again, I walk away, like I always do in times like this - c'est la vie.

Ending Thoughts
Increasingly, I am vigilant about taking-in these people into my orbit. They are practically drowning and they'll grab anyone to keep them afloat. It is an energy drain that leaves me exhausted - better leave it to the professionals who make money from it. I'm much better off alone, unencumbered by baggage I don't need.

--- Gigit (TheLoneRider)
YOGA by Gigit Yoga by Gigit | Learn English Learn English | Travel like a Nomad Nomad Travel Buddy | Donation Bank Donation Bank for TheLoneRider

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