Goodbye Dumaguete

Drifting With The Flow
Moving out of Dumaguete is a deja vu. When I embarked on leaving Sagada 3 years ago with no destination in mind, I was trembling. There was a crack in my voice when I told my yoga classmates then, what I planned on doing. When I left Manila 2 years ago for Dumaguete, I was calmer. Now, I leave Dumaguete with no destination in mind, feeling excited at how life unravels on the open road. With no home or a homebase, I am unshackled from a crutch - home is where I lay my weary back at the end of the day. I'd let myself flow with the tide, drifting from one destination to the next. I would stay in a place only while it works out - a day? a week? a few months? It doesn't matter how long or short. At some point, the need to move on will resurface and the pattern repeats itself.

A Vestige of Home
Unlike before where I still kept my belongings at different places for 'safekeeping', I've now nearly disposed of everything I own - garage sale, charity, gifting, etc. I've paid my last rent, water, utilities and had my phone line disconnected. No more rent to worry about. Ideally, I'd like to keep only the things that will fit into my backpack...and nothing else. I'd been saying that for the longest time, but I still feel attached to some things that mean so much to me. When I can finally dispose of them, and not own anything on the planet but what's in my backpack, then I know I am detached from any material encumbrance.

Bridal Material
Dumaguete was a cradle for the last 2 years. It was home where I've met warm, decent and festive people, feasted on its delicacies and regional specialties, climbed its Mt. Talinis, scuba-dived its animated coral reefs and walked its quaint Boulevard during my quiet moments. Not unlike real life, if Dumaguete was a woman, she'd be bridal material - the one you want to grow old with and spend the rest of your life with. But sometimes, even as perfect as the woman might be, the restlessness within overrules - yes, not unlike real life.

Coconut Insider
Dumaguete is also a process for me. Dumaguete is where the money dried up, for the first time in my life, causing me to rethink a different way to make a living. In hindsight, I needed to go through that, if only to better appreciate what I have and what I can further do. Through the humiliation of debt, I took on designing and developing a social enterprise that took me out of debt and created a mandate that I still continue to pursue - CoconutInsider.com. Now, I have to take it to the next step which also means leaving Dumaguete. Or at least, that is what logic dictates. I somehow use that as a pretext for leaving.

A Relationship
Some people have lived in the same place for decades - nothing wrong with that. Where I find clarity is to regard a place as a relationship, no different from friendship, and no different from a relationship with a partner - that it has to work both ways along the lines of give and take, that it has to feel right, that it has to nurture a fertile environment for growth, and also, that it's only good while the moment lasts - nothing is forever, no matter how disheartening that may sound. Sometimes, you'll just have to love something (or someone) from a distance.

A Natural Order of Things
Here comes the spacy part. I believe that everything around us complies with the natural order of things - it's not random chaos. Perhaps this is what Einstein meant when he said, "God does not play dice". The planets keep their orbit around their sun, solar systems spiral within their galaxy, we see a cyclical procession of the seasons, electrons orbit neutrons and protons, etc. From the biggest out there (galaxies in our universe) to the infinitesimally small (particles at the quantum level), there is a governing natural law to which we all comply with. Stay with me...I have a point here. I maintain that that same law acts upon all of us to flow a certain way, to make things happen a certain way.

Keeping Control
We don't see this subtle Flow in our daily lives because we are creatures of control. We over-ride this law (free will?). We want to control ourselves and we want to control our environment. That's reasonable. I've done many variations of this control-thing, doing whatever it takes to meet an end. It usually entails a lot of work, time, money and resources. At some point, I get there, only to find out it really wasn't what I was looking for. In sharp contrast, when you let go and allow things to happen, (ie, being with the Flow) you find yourself at the right place at the right time, meeting the right people who are instrumental in getting you where you want to go, having opportunities knock on your door one after another, etc. It's better than printing money!

The Flow of the Collective Whole
So now, keeping faith that this benevolent universe has its best intention for me, what if I abandon control (by not choosing a destination) and just let things happen, ever-so-mindful of what path is being blazed for me by this collective law. Where will it ultimately take me? What is there to realize? Yes, I'm just the observer, being anchored only by my ethical tenets of right and wrong. Spacy, eh?

Ending Thoughts
Increasingly, leaving a nurturing place is becoming a repeating pattern that I've resigned myself to as an inevitable fate if I am to continue for my search. I used to think I was in search of the proverbial waterfall, or the next magnificent life lurking around the bend. But thinking long and hard about it, I'm in search of something I don't really know. And honestly? I hope I never find it.

--- TheLoneRider

Related Links:

• Hello Dumaguete Apr 12, 2010
• Goodbye Manila Apr 11, 2010
• Of Being Homeless by Choice May 13, 2009
• Goodbye Sagada Mar 4, 2009

These guys like this story:

Jane Romero

Diuvs De Jesus

Vehm

Alex Bangcaya

Michelle Tupaz

Ivan Sarenas

Zelda Indal

Kris Lacaba

Gerbrand Jung

Val Luistro

Justin Ray Guce

Tony Ancheta

Ruthlyn Santander

Patani

Angelo Villanueva

Funshop Dumaguete

Frank Callaghan

Tope Noriel Ordoñez

Mark Wallbank

Michelle Arabella Villanueva

Joseph Virgino

Andy Summers

Pupa FromParis

Gia Xershel

Job Lukas Veloso

Comments:

Jane Romero
(May 3, 2012) hhhhhmmmmm...... ?! :) just stay on the safe side always.... !! :)

Zelda Indal

Val Luistro

Threefifty Nor

Gift Sarne-Regalado

Greg Morales

Angelo Villanueva

Ruth Santander

Menka Ponce de Leon

Jay Mendiola

Macel Malacaman

Mel Bascon

Vehm

Michelle Arabella Villanueva

Glenn Clavano

»» next story: Vipassana Meditation Course Part 4: Getting Established in the Technique
»» next Lucid Thought: Indelible Mark

»» back to Lucid Thoughts
»» back to Traveling
»» back to Homepage

ARCHIVE: 2023 | JAN | FEB | MAR |

1970 | 1973 | 1975 | 1976 | 1979 | 1981 | 2000 | 2001 | 2002 | 2003 | 2004 | 2005 | 2006 | 2007 | 2008 | 2009 | 2010 | 2011 | 2012 | 2013 | 2014 | 2015 | 2016 | 2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 | 2021 | 2022 | 2023 | ALL BLOGS